Not a wild horse to be tamed

Update: this one human just never stopped hurting me. Shutdown communication six weeks ago and sent me spiraling again without me even realizing I was in the vortex. Kryptonite? Hell. Toxic. Bad juju. Death to AGR. Nevermore.

I wrote this on 6-25-12, when I was still suffering a great loss, that of the beautiful one I had on the pedestal. The funny thing is, long after I wrote this, I put him back on the pedestal and had to take him down again. Love, memories, they can be crazy. Some of what I wrote, today, doesn’t ring 100% true, but it was true that day. I envisioned myself reading it at a poetry slam (I was REALLY hurt and mad, :-))

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Not a wild horse to be tamed, but a person;

I was a living human being.

You took my heart; you lied and cheated to win my soul.

You nearly trampled and crushed me in your pursuit of control and order.

I am not a beast.

I am a delicate female, strong beautiful and resilient.

I was far too good for the likes of you and your cold icy touch.

You held onto me with your empty words and your meaningless promises, washing over me like a river, burning me like acid.

Your words stabbed me.

I spasm, I quiver, I shrivel up.

You were so mean while pretending to be so nice.

Life had been so cruel to you; you finally had someone in your grasp you could squeeze and hurt.

Yes my spirit you nearly broke; you crushed me, squashed me, limited me, and nearly destroyed me.

But I have reclaimed my heart, my soul, my home, my pursuits, my life.
Since you’ve been gone I am woman again.

I was reborn like the phoenix from the ashes; I rise and I live again.

I reclaim my spaces, my places, my home, my city, my world.

I shudder away from anything, anyone, and everything that reminds me of the pain and horror of you here now and forever.

I breathe, I sleep I start to sync with myself, with my world again.

I realize that I am whole all by myself far, far, more so than I ever was with you; far better off alone than miserable.

I can do bad all by myself.

The power of me will blot out your memory and the pain and the hurt and anguish.

With time I will erase you from my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul, leaving you only to be a distant thought from days past.

You were in my life for just four seasons.

No more, no more, no more, forevermore.

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