Update: this one human just never stopped hurting me. Shutdown communication six weeks ago and sent me spiraling again without me even realizing I was in the vortex. Kryptonite? Hell. Toxic. Bad juju. Death to AGR. Nevermore.
I wrote this on 6-25-12, when I was still suffering a great loss, that of the beautiful one I had on the pedestal. The funny thing is, long after I wrote this, I put him back on the pedestal and had to take him down again. Love, memories, they can be crazy. Some of what I wrote, today, doesn’t ring 100% true, but it was true that day. I envisioned myself reading it at a poetry slam (I was REALLY hurt and mad, :-))
Not a wild horse to be tamed, but a person;
I was a living human being.
You took my heart; you lied and cheated to win my soul.
You nearly trampled and crushed me in your pursuit of control and order.
I am not a beast.
I am a delicate female, strong beautiful and resilient.
I was far too good for the likes of you and your cold icy touch.
You held onto me with your empty words and your meaningless promises, washing over me like a river, burning me like acid.
Your words stabbed me.
I spasm, I quiver, I shrivel up.
You were so mean while pretending to be so nice.
Life had been so cruel to you; you finally had someone in your grasp you could squeeze and hurt.
Yes my spirit you nearly broke; you crushed me, squashed me, limited me, and nearly destroyed me.
But I have reclaimed my heart, my soul, my home, my pursuits, my life.
Since you’ve been gone I am woman again.
I was reborn like the phoenix from the ashes; I rise and I live again.
I reclaim my spaces, my places, my home, my city, my world.
I shudder away from anything, anyone, and everything that reminds me of the pain and horror of you here now and forever.
I breathe, I sleep I start to sync with myself, with my world again.
I realize that I am whole all by myself far, far, more so than I ever was with you; far better off alone than miserable.
I can do bad all by myself.
The power of me will blot out your memory and the pain and the hurt and anguish.
With time I will erase you from my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul, leaving you only to be a distant thought from days past.
You were in my life for just four seasons.
No more, no more, no more, forevermore.