I miss my grad school best friend. He was my lover and my best friend, the one I pledged to love forever. We probably were not ready to make that commitment to anyone yet but we said it. I have tried three times to be his friend since we broke up; now he’s just someone I used to know.
He made me laugh until I cried, laugh until I peed myself. He loved me, the real me, and he knew and understood aspects of me no one else ever has. For those things I miss him horribly. Sometimes I thought I would never heal never fill the hole he left in my life. So I had to stop trying.
I miss my best grad school friend the one who helped me with SPACE. The one who respected me for my passion for teaching special education. The one who cared about my insides while he admired my outsides. So many things about us worked it was understandable that we tried so hard to overlook the obvious problems.
I missed him so much I asked him to be my friend but soon realized that I couldn’t deal. We stopped communication but then his new girlfriend hurt him; he asked for my friendship, and I gave it, yet I couldn’t let go, heal, move on. We have not texted in weeks, but I miss his friendship, his humor, his wit, his sweetness. I miss his love most of all. I will always love someone I used to know.