I had a brilliant idea. An awesome, amazing, beautiful, earth shattering, fantastic idea. I would run this year’s New Year’s Eve Resolution Run/Walk Beavercreek all blinged out….you know, sparkly eye shadow, NYE ball reminiscent earrings, the works. It was cold and snowy so my bling options would be limited and I didn’t have any cool party favors on hand to stick on, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I was late getting ready because I was really, really tired yesterday and I mistakenly laid down to rest. When I got up, I didn’t have as much time as I needed, and I knew I had to shower since I wouldn’t be showering after the event before I went to celebrate with my cousins…..so I’d better start out particularly fresh and clean. I get ready quickly, trying to figure out which pants to wear, and I chose the running pants vs. the running tights (bad idea!). I wore my under armour shorts underneath, and my tech tank, tech long sleeve shirt and tech short sleeve shirt with jacket. It was 29 at my house, and I thought I was properly dressed with my fur wrap and scarf…..
I arrive at Beavercreek High School and missed the turn, had to turn partway down a street closed for my race that I’m not yet registered for and I am so late, WTF was I thinking, my heart is racing, I’m a little worried. I have to PEE!! I turn around praying I don’t get ticketed or stopped, find the turn in the snow, get parked, and head into the school and gymnasium to register where it’s no kidding 100 degrees farenheit I swear! I start to write my name so poorly I cannot even read it, leave that sheet there, start another one, run over, register, get my shirt and my bag I totally spaced on attaching the chip to my shoe and head back to my car………..UH OH where is my car?
It’s a high school parking lot how could I possibly have lost my car? I am ready to cry, I hear them tell the runners to line up outdoors and I haven’t found my car….and I still have to pee. This is not good folks, not good at all. Totally something AGR would do, but nonetheless, bad form. I’m thinking there goes the Facebook post….I’ve never, ever run a race without posting a starting line pic on FB. I guess that makes me an attention w###e and I own that. I’ve gone up and down the aisles, I knew I parked at the end near a pickup truck. I’m in an affluent suburb, why would someone steal my aging car at a race?? Desperate, I finally ask the only woman out there who obviously isn’t going to run or walk, is there another parking lot? She points and says over on that side, attached to this one, as if I were a total moron, which at this point, I know I am! I run to my car as fast as I can without getting a stitch in my side, fling open the door, stick the chip in my pocket no time to attach to shoe, put the key fob for my car on my shoelace (why didn’t I slide the chip on there at the same time I will NEVER know, sometimes my smart brain is super stupid……), and I am ready except I still have to pee and I know the race is about to start…..so I do the only thing I can. I open the car door, drop trou, pee on the ground behind my door, pull up my pants and run into the school and out the other door, but all the walkers have started and they’re rolling up the mats, I’m sprinting at this point and begging them to let me start, which they reluctantly do, making note of my start. Clock time? 3:08.
Now, believe it or not, despite being out of breath, I’m totally relaxed and happy. The New Year’s Eve Resolution Run that almost wasn’t, is. I’m ecstatic that my antics didn’t ruin my chances of finishing the year with a run. For the first time ever as a runner, I don’t even care that my chip time probably wasn’t recorded, because I knew when I started and I’ll know when I finish. Sometimes, it’s just about having fun, and last night I had a blast. I greeted every single walker I passed, telling them good work, Happy New Year’s, have a great night, isn’t it beautiful out? I’m pretty sure with my buoyant attitude and late out of breath start, they thought I was drunk, crazy, delusional……but no, I’m just Asthma Runner Girl, she has a page on Facebook, you should check it out! I greeted and thanked all of the volunteers too, and it wasn’t easy at times to yell and run but it kept me from pushing myself to my pain threshold in my lungs like I normally do, which was nice,and made the 5k so much more enjoyable. When people wanted to know if I was ok, I replied, “I’m GREAT! How are you?” It’s very unnerving to the uninitiated when someone who sounds like they’re taking their last breath cheerfully sings out to them……they almost stutter as they reply. It was yet another race where people are mystified and I’m thinking…I guess that means YOU aren’t working hard enough. I may run at a seemingly leisurely pace, as if I weren’t serious or hard-core in my fitness, but make no mistake, I finished the New Year the same way I lived it, running as if my life depended on crossing that finish line. Clock time 38:12, which means a 35:04 race, but the story doesn’t end there.
I go into the gym where the results are scrolling and within 20 minutes I realize my name isn’t in my age bracket, but there’s a woman with the same last name who finished at 38:34, first name Loren. I’m so hot in there I cannot make the connection, it’s fuzzy. I let the speedy-feet race director know I don’t see my name, he says do you know your chip number…I laugh really loud, “No sorry, I did not look,” and I don’t think this is the place or time to mention that I didn’t attach my chip, I just carried it. I let him know I started at 3:08 he says “Oh, I took the flash drive at 2 minutes plus so your start didn’t record at all, and they didn’t know it.” (thank heavens for small favors, I would have been turned away..and would have had to decide if I would run anyway). So he finds Loren, updates to me, we could match on the birthdate and zip code, and changes my time, which puts me at a finish of 35:34….why is it still off by 30 seconds? Because that’s when they recorded that I turned in the chip, it didn’t clock me when I crossed the finish line with it in my pocket; thank heavens speedy-feet is so efficient and awesome at what they do, I still have close to a real record of my performance. I was not about to discuss my actual time crossing the finish, I was so grateful to the race director for taking the time to help me out and let me be counted. I’m an Athlinks maniac, after all.
So what does Asthma Girl Runner do to finish out her evening? She heads home, gets dry and cleaned up, heads to her cousin’s house and rings in the New Year with people who love her (my kids were with Dad this New Years, we rotate of course). I was able to tell my funny story minus the part about peeing on the ground, I just simply said I did what I had to do. But other runners will read this and think yep, I would have peed in the parking lot too. I’m just really glad I did not get arrested for public indecency and finished my year with a run!