Aftermath of a funeral

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It is a beautiful funeral home. It was a house once upon a time. It is rather magnificent inside, Ana got the tour. I loved her dragging me upstairs to see it.

Someone said I am full of life, that was a huge compliment. I remember when I was so sad I couldn’t function whether after Ana was born or after an awful breakup. I’m much stronger now.

My Great-Uncle Jimmy was so full of life. We shared stories that made me laugh and cry, especially about “g-d Irma” (his words) and tapping S.O.S. on the wrong wall when he fell in the tub. I can’t believe he’s gone. The world feels emptier now.

I took myself and my girl to a funeral alone. Today during Taps when I could not control the flood of tears she held me. I got her home safely, by myself. I’ve had to do so much alone in recent years, I’m so glad Ana could go with me. I know I could ask friends to help but I am so “only-child” broken.

I’m so tired. So wiped out. So unsure of how I will feel tomorrow. But I know my babies and I are alive and together. Tonight that is enough.

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